What's knocking your confidence and causing you anxiety?

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Hey you gorgeous lot! Hope you've had a fabulous week loving life and doing what makes you happy. If it hasn't been a great week for you, if there have been some anxious pangs, that's okay love. I'm sending you a virtual hug and some positive vibes. I know it can be difficult at times. Tomorrow is a new day with a week of possibilities ahead - you can create your own happiness!So, after last week's blog read did you have a think about the worst thing that could really happen in something you've been putting off or scared to do? Did you realise that it really wouldn't be so bad if you gave it a try? I hope so! Go smash it, fight the fear, move out of your comfort zone and brave it.This week I'm giving you a final look at some unhelpful thinking styles before I move on next week with every day tips to help you deal with those anxious moments. Yes, I'm teasing you with a preview of what's in store if you keep coming back each week!You'll notice there's a bit of a psychic vibe to this week's post...(not related to my nan's belief that I had 'the gift' when I was younger! We'll save that for another day...!).

So you're a mind reader now?

  • "They don't like me because of the way I look"

  • "They don't trust my opinion because I'm not as clever as them"

  • "He's quiet so must be in a mood with me"

  • "She looked me up and down so must hate my outfit"

Any of this sound familiar? Are you sure you really know what someone is thinking about you? In the world of unhelpful thinking styles this is known as 'mind-reading' - pretty obvious! Over-thinking and over-analysing in this way can really drive you crazy, cause friction in relationships and knock your confidence. How can you really know what someone is thinking? Are you giving Mystic Meg a run for her money psychic honey? Thought not. Just because someone might not be listening as attentively as you'd like, looks at you a certain way, is quiet for a long period, or is in a strop - doesn't mean it's anything to do with you. Don't let your mind go into overdrive second-guessing what people are thinking. They're more than likely more concerned about themselves than anything to do with you.

Wow, you can predict the future?!

  • "I KNOW I'm going to fail the test"

  • "I'm not going for that promotion because I KNOW I'm not going to get it"

  • "There's no point in trying to start my business as I KNOW it'll fail"

  • "I KNOW I'm going to have a crap night so there's no point in going"

HOW do you know? You didn't tell me you could predict the future...you should cash in on those psychic vibes! 'Fortune-telling' is your way of assuming the worst, rather than an educated, well-informed guess. You can't always anticipate the worst outcome. I get it though, you think you're protecting yourself from any hurt, rejection or disappointment. I've been there my friend and wasted so much time predicting the future, badly! With that negative energy you're only breeding further negativity and not taking any notice of the positives. You'll never move forward or put yourself out there. You can't predict the future, so don't let those neggy vibes hold you back or bring you down. You got this! Next time you hear yourself predicting, consider:

  • What's the evidence for and against your prediction?

  • Are you gaining anything from assuming the negative? Or, is it just making you feel anxious and being more harmful than helpful?

  • How has thinking like this helped you before? Has it turned out as you thought?

  • What would have to go wrong for your prediction to come true?

  • What three positive outcomes could there be instead?

By focusing on the positive outcomes, rather than assuming the negative you'll start changing your mindset for a more positive one. And that's what we want - positive vibes!What I hope is that you can revert back to these blogs when you have an inkling you may be thinking negatively, causing yourself anxiety or feeling low confidence. You really are in control of your mindset and your happiness. The most unlucky person in the world can still have the most positive outlook on life and see everything as a learning and an opportunity. Don't get me wrong, it's bloody hard to be like this and it's a constant journey. I have the belief in you though.

Weekly task - notice your thinking styles

Now you're more aware of the different neggy thinking styles that could be causing you anxiety or stopping you moving forward in life, I want you to try and become more aware of yours. What's the trigger - that leads to the thought - that is a thinking style.For example:Trigger - Last minute project at work you have to present to a groupThought - I'm going to be really crap at this. I'm too busy to do it. They're not going to respect my thoughts.Thinking styles - Catastrophising and fortune-tellingThe more you realise you're in control of your thoughts that impact on your life the better things will become. You got this!Until next time.Kirsty x